18 posts tagged “joke”

No Moe Bush

Dear John,

I hope you can help me here.

The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house
watching the TV.

I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked
out and the car stopped. I walked back home to get my husband's
help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the
bedroom with a neighbor lady.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve
years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd
been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop
or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and
he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I
love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has
become increasingly distant.

I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can
be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking
that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the
jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If
none of these approaches solve the problem, it could be that the
fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the
carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.
John

Dallas Cowboys

Q: What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

A: The Dallas Cowboys.

Q: How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?

A: Put up goal posts

Q: Why doesn't San Antonio have a professional football team?

A: Because then Dallas would want one.

Q: What's the difference between a Dallas Cowboy & a dollar bill?

A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and possums have in common?

A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?

A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'

Beer Contains Female Hormones

No Moe Bush

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the
results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in
beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory
is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and
that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour
period It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.